Lessons of Days Gone By

Back in December, I started updating my Facebook status with little lessons that the boys or I (and occasionally my husband) learned or should have learned that day. Recently, I’d been thinking of doing something more than just posting on Facebook, but couldn’t get it beyond the thought. Then, a friend of mine mentioned that she was thinking about starting a blog about her experiences as a new parent. When I told her that I had been thinking about it as well, she revealed that my little Lesson of the Day posts had been part of her inspiration. Finally, when she started her blog, it spurred me into action since I had been thinking about it long enough.

Now, here are the Lessons that inspired me:

  1. Don’t use a toothache as an excuse to not eat your healthy breakfast or your mother will schedule a dentist appointment for you.
  2. If you refuse to eat your doctor ordered high fiber breakfast, you get doctor ordered high fiber prune juice.
  3. If you don’t eat your cereal, it becomes soggy and then you have to eat it anyway.
  4. If you don’t eat your breakfast, Dad will find out (even if he’s at work).
  5. Breakfast math: 9 (small) orange slices – 30 minutes = 4 (small) orange slices. 9 orange slices – 4 orange slices = 5 orange slices eaten. 30 minutes/5 orange slices = 6 minutes/slice. 8AM + unfinished orange = leftovers in lunch bag.
  6. Gone are the days of 1/2 page or smaller permission slips.
  7. Announcing that you’re too tired to finish eating your dinner results in going to bed early.
  8. Staring off into space instead of drinking your milk will effectively waste all the play time that you earned by eating breakfast quickly for once.
  9. If you’re told to play in the backyard and you leave the property, you’ll probably get grounded.
  10. If you don’t eat the banana bread, it will go moldy.
  11. Sitting in the middle of your bed while trying to make it really hampers the process.
  12. If you eat your breakfast, get dressed, and brush your teeth without wasting time, you actually have time to watch TV before school!
  13. If you cause your mother to leave the stove while she’s cooking your breakfast, chances are that your bacon will be crispier than you wanted…and you will still have to eat it.
  14. If you leave your inhaler at home, you are guaranteed to have an asthma attack and your wife will have to take the kids on a long train ride downtown to deliver the missing inhaler. You will then be responsible for dealing with the child who missed his nap once you get home from work.
  15. Procrastination is one thing but having to do two days worth of chores on Tuesday because you didn’t get anything done on Monday just plain sucks.
  16. If you flat out refuse to pick up your toys, you will lose them and the floor will still be clean.
  17. Sleep when your baby sleeps, but when your toddler sleeps take advantage of the freedom and get something done…and then make him have a nap in the afternoon so you can sleep too.
  18. Baby communication 101: “I’m hungry” (for nursing babies, requires limited motor control and your mother): Look mother directly in the eyes to make sure she’s paying attention, touch hand to her breast and then your mouth. Repeat until she figures it out.
  19. Baby communication 101: ‎”I’m hungry” (for nursing babies, requires limited control of neck muscles and your father): Throw head at father’s chest repeatedly and slobber on him until he get’s the idea and takes you to your mother.
  20. Trying to avoid eating your breakfast because it’s not exactly what you want won’t get you anywhere except your seat at the table while you eat your breakfast anyway.
  21. You can get a lot done while children try not to eat their breakfasts. Better yet, if you’re doing things in other rooms, the breakfast table behaviour has less of a chance to annoy you.
  22. If your baby is cooing sweetly while you’re changing his diaper, he’s probably peeing on you.
  23. Asking for a different oatmeal flavour because you don’t like it when I mix a package of Regular in with your Maple & Brown Sugar just means that you won’t notice when I mix Regular with your Apple Cinnamon.
  24. Toes are interesting and if you grunt enough, you might just get them in your mouth.
  25. If you don’t watch or follow hockey, you don’t have to get upset at the outcome of the games…or the games themselves.
  26. If all the boys are at work, at school, or asleep, then what are you doing in front of the computer? Take some Mama time and go have a nice hot shower or do your nails.
  27. Tongues are awesome and if you stick yours out often enough, you might just figure out what it is!
  28. If you push your feet against the ground, you can lift your bum off the floor. It’s best to wait to show off this talent until your mother is trying to fasten a diaper on you, then you’ll be sure that she notices.
  29. Bathing a child is as easy as 1, 2, 3. Fill the tub, bathe the child…get the child out of the tub? Uh-oh!
  30. Boys are boys right from the beginning – they laugh at you when you get hurt, they burp and poop and “fart”, and most of all their little hands go straight for the penis as soon as you get the diaper off so make sure you’ve got a spare cloth to clean the hand off.
  31. You’re lucky.
  32. If you’ve got a splitting headache and your back hurts and you just want to go back to bed, this is when the Universe will make sure that all your kids are awake before the oldest one goes to school so you don’t get any down time.
  33. If the diaper doesn’t seem full enough for the first change of the morning, it probably isn’t.
  34. If you don’t want your baby brother to suck on your toys, don’t give them to him.
  35. Your children will surprise you.
  36. Letting your super hero obsessed kid watch The Avengers is probably a bad idea.
  37. Someone is always paying attention.
  38. Boys pee…a lot.
  39. When you want to sleep in, everyone else in the house will be up early.

There we have it, all the household lessons from December to mid-July in one spot. From now on, all of the ones with a good story behind them will be posted on MiT as well.

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2 Comments

Filed under Lesson of the Day

2 responses to “Lessons of Days Gone By

  1. A

    Whew, it’s a good thing I don’t have kids or else I’d have to start me one of these!

  2. I love your lessons of the day. They give me a happy.

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